Worries and Concerns

My mother was a very complex person (aren’t all mothers?). She was a natural born worry-wort and would do her best to assist me to avoid pitfalls. It was good that by the time I was sixteen I had learned that she and I could have different opinions. While she would worry about things she also had a ‘don’t give a hoot’ attitude about other people’s judgments and was her own person. I didn’t  really understand how she could worry about the future and not care what others thought about her. Perhaps she cared and never let on, perhaps she had enough self-worth and was self-confident enough to render her immune to other people’s opinions of her or perhaps it was a bit of both. I believed in taking in what resonated and throwing away what didn’t so I managed to learn not to worry to the degree she did and I learned to deal with my sensitivities and vulnerabilities. All the same, I still ended up in early adulthood being somewhat of a worrier – identifying  with  the ‘what if’ group instead  of the ‘so what’ folks. Fast forward a couple of decades and I found myself discovering that thoughts are things, they are not idle at all and  they do seem to shape our reality! This lead me to spending a whole day downgrading  my worries  to concerns  and working on dissolving  the ‘what if’ fears. We get to become  ‘hootless’ , not giving a hoot as one of my mentors calls it,  when we develop enough confidence in ourselves to feel we are capable of solving problems that come our way. Problems may still arise, we simply feel we can handle them better  and no longer need to be fearful.

This is the difference between worries and concerns – the first focuses on the problems, the second looks for solutions. Sometimes when people tell you something disastrous and you are problem solving oriented, your attitude may be mistaken for being uncaring or distant.  I feel that standing firm in the energy of things already being better is not denying or failing to acknowledge a person’s  distress, It helps them and supports them to rise above their challenges. Acknowledgment of a situation is essential, wallowing in pity for others or yourself only promotes victimhood. The more we work on our own stuff and heal ourselves, the more we are able to offer support that is uplifting instead of it being heavy and inducing more stress in others. I have seen the other extreme where people tell you a disaster is  a good thing – that is not at all helpful as the person going through that experience may not yet be able to see any silver lining attached to the dark cloud, if it even exists! Usually there is an opportunity to learn and grow from an adversity, that may come a lot later. 

Which channel do  you tune into, the worry one or the concern one? Do you focus on problems or their solutions? Heart Metta is a great way to access your inner wisdom and get out of the problem groove and into a solving mindset. Feel free to message me to discover how it can assist you.